Thursday, September 4, 2008

Signs (of the Apocalypse)

I was reading a menu tonight and I saw an entry for "Mexican Hot Chocolate." We were in a Mexican restaurant, so nothing unusual there. The thing is, underneath the item name, it said "Made with real Mexican hot chocolate."

I pointed this out to Mark, who mentioned that he had happened to read the back of his chocolate milk container earlier that day and saw the warning that the product inside contained...wait for it...MILK!!!!!

Ah, lawyer shields. I have a bag of trail mix in my pantry that warns me that it was packaged on equipment that processes peanuts.

The list goes on and on. It put me in mind of this fragment I wrote a few years back. Nothing ever came of it, and I think I wrote it after a turn in jury duty.

Signs

There’s a sign on the door that says “Court is in Session. Do not Enter.” If you look in the window, there’s no one inside.

You pass by thousands of these examples of human idiocy every day. What you don’t do, most of the time, is notice.

When the man at Disneyland goes crazy and refuses to believe that you took his family’s picture, you politely tell him that yes, you did. He persists because there’s no film in the camera. You show him the little screen and attempt to explain that it’s digital. You do not, for example, whip out a Browning 9mm and blow off his right kneecap. In a perfect world, maybe, but not here.

5 comments:

Manasse said...

Warning: This blog may contain blogging.

Ben said...

why just use a browning 9? it just doesn't have the stopping power of a colt 1911. of course that said, the colt wuoldn't stop at the kneecap - the lower half of his leg would be gone in that instance...

seeryanrun said...

Why do you know that?

Ben said...

oh the things i know...

Annie said...

Here's another one for you: Quiet Down Cobwebs: Formula in my Coffee. Seriously, how far do we have to go to protect people from their own stupidity?