Thursday, November 20, 2008

An Interpretive Dance of Imbecility

We invented a drinking game on the trip to Austin. This was after Longhorn, while we watched football and put off packing the bikes. The game is pretty simple. All you need is a TV and some booze, and someone like me, who tends to say things like "That commercial makes me want to hurt people," or "That guy summons the killing rage." Whenever this person (me) says something like this during a commercial, you take a drink.

Sometimes, I think I'd like to play this game as I go through my day. Granted, some days I wouldn't even make it to work before I was swaying and barking in French about monkeys in the branches. (If you have to ask, it's best not to.)

The reason I mention this is because I had a strange sort of epiphany today, if you can call it that, and I'm not sure you can. Without going into specifics, I realized that there is a special category of people who are not worthy of respect or equal treatment. This is not a blanket statement. There are no generalities implied here. Members of this unhallowed pantheon of mediocrity work very hard to earn their places in it. You know who they are. You've got your own list. I may be on yours, I don't know.

It's interesting, though, the moment that you notice someone has moved into this category. Sometimes they slip quietly in, moving just outside your peripheral vision and sneaking by, hiding until you just as quietly forget about them. Sometimes, and this is when it's really special, sometimes, they put on a tutu, light up some sparklers, plie, tendu and skip like a nimble little forest sprite right across the line. It's something to see, let me tell you.

Right about the time they take a bow they light their dance tights on fire and you know they're never coming back. You'll never be able to talk to them like adults, or take them seriously again. Of course, they'll be happy to return the favor, just as soon as they find the source of that burning smell.

All I can say is that when the smoke clears, you want a drink, so I'll say it. That guy makes me want to hurt people.

Now say goodnight, Gracie.


katie b said...

oh ryan, i like you and i even like your dark side - although i rarely see it. i know i'm a dancing monkey with a tutu in the mornings so we'll just stay clear of that as much as possible so i don't venture too far over with no chance of a return ;)

seeryanrun said...

There's a big difference between acting like a dancing monkey and actually being one. Trust me, you're not headed that way.

Manasse said...

Who needs a hug?

ann marie said...

according to the statistical nature of a normal distribution, 68% of the population fall within one standard deviation of the mean . . . in layman's terms, that a lot of mediocrity